There are two days until I get my first vaccine shot and I cannot totally fathom such a thing.
A few days ago, I received notice that I was able to sign up to get a vaccination appointment. While I was confused as it was not yet the date for everyone above the age of sixteen to get it, I jumped on it with a rabid ferocity, even it was just a fever dream or hallucination of some sort. Whatever. It felt good just thinking about it.
So, my appointment is 40 minutes away this Monday. I have NO PROBLEM driving that distance to start my journey to freedom. But, as I have found out, this whole situation is unlike anything I have ever experienced.
To begin, it has been fourteen months of living in solitude fearing the possibility of death or livelong health damage from the virus. That is the cycle of four seasons of habits learned in fear and self-preservation. This is now beyond a cute habit of behavior. This is baked into the system. While the thought of a cure and a turnaround were forever being thrown into the wishing well, the reality of being able to survive within a space never before conceived of began to have its own ease of presence. Habit, as Beckett has said, is a great deadener. The landscape where I had built my creative life and theoretical future is gone. While it is slowly being rebuilt, it is not going to be the same for some time. This leads to the next part...
At the end of Albert Camus' "The Plague", there is a massive celebration because the virus is leaving. Yes, the beloved friend of Dr. Rieux, Tarrou, dies, but the end of the novel presents the reality of the two sided coin: the plague is gone for now/the plague never leaves. In our case here in 2021, we are not allowed to have any real moment of rebirth, at least not yet. The vaccine is not 100% effective, so there is the remote chance that one could get ill from the plague even if inoculated. However, due to the fact that there are many who shall not get the vaccine, the new mutations of the virus could place many of those who get the vaccine into a bad state of possibility. That is to say, if enough mutations happen and are able to circumvent the vaccine, we shall not be back to square one, we shall now be BEHIND that and into Negative Numbers.
And what does getting the vaccine even mean other than one's odds are increased? Masks must still be worn when going out and there are many who will not get vaccinated. One can eat in a restaurant, but not all of them are open. One can travel, but not everywhere in the world. This is not the victory march of the people in Oran when they opened the gates. We are not gloriously marching towards Bethlehem and salvation. Also note, there are TWO Bethlehems, and we are limping towards neither. A portion of this country is working towards a life that is safe and without fear being the leading driver. However, another segment of this country whose population is substantial, lives in fear and has no plan to change the paradigm of a fear and paranoia based culture. As Tarrou has said, these people already have Plague. The big difference is within our present situation, these people love the plague without reserve.
In under two days, if all goes well and nothing happens, I will be getting my first shot of the vaccine. I am more than aware that nothing is going to change that day, nor the next, nor even for the next seven weeks at best. All that will happen is that with each drawing day, my odds will improve. That's it. Period. But that's all it ever has been and will ever be, improving on odds where the House forever wins. Every casino makes sure that, in the end, the majority of the players will lose. That's why it's called "gambling" and not "Assistance Check". If you play long enough at any game, you will lose. And, as Freud said, the one thing each living creature does is die in order to complete and fulfill the cycle of life. However, we want to be at the table as long as possible.
Come Monday, the entire United States will be opening up the vaccine to everyone over the age of 16. This is the most drastic move towards changing the tide of this plague since it began. And, one would think, that this would be a moment where people would be literally climbing over one another, getting into car accidents, etc etc, just to get to the vaccine of this horrible virus. It would make sense that the human spirit would be leaping at the chance to stay alive at all costs.
Allow me to state the following here and now: As of this writing, THAT IS NOT HAPPENING! Yes, we are getting vaccinated, there is no joyous stride into and out of the vaccination sites. The world has yet to change and many refuse to change for the betterment of the masses. This country is not running towards salvation and rejuvenation of life, but limping towards a place of salvation that does not exist as far as we know.
I am going to drive down and walk into the hospital and get my shot...and never ever slouch upon my journey towards a life away from the dark shadow of this plague.
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