I haven't posted in some time because....what is time these days?
I have taken my hit for the team and stayed in isolation for a year so as not to get, nor spread, the virus that is now mutating into a more virulent strain. But the "hit' for the team has broken me and I have lost all hold of my past life. And it sucks.
I understand that, on paper, this should now be the most hopeful of times. We have a new administration. We have three vaccines being produced for the masses. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. While all this is true, no one ever tells you how long the tunnel is, regardless of how brightt he light in the distance may be.
As of this writing, there are ways of cheating/gaming the system to have someone like me get a vaccine before I am supposed to. I could lie about my health, saying I am a smoker, I have high blood pressure, etc. If I did this, I could be considered someone who is at high risk and, if I were to hunt the internet and search like a bloodhound on meth for ANY opening ANYWHERE in New Jersey, I could get the vaccine and, within eight weeks, have my freedom back. I say this because I know of more than a few people who have gamed the system and gotten vaccinated early. Trust me, you can do it.
But this is not as cut and dry as it seems, or may seem. If one happens to be at a place that has extra vaccine at the end of the day, you can simply get it so they do not throw it away. It is literal Life Lottery. But even if you get it, even of you were allowed freedom upon the next sunrise, you would awaken into a world that is not what you used to have. You cannot go out to eat. All theaters are closed. All that you remembered as a life is gone, or, at the very least, deeply changed. That persistence of hopes and memories you have will not align with the world outside. You may be able to go to the gym as much as you like, but you will never be able to go see a play on Broadway or anywhere else.
Also, riding demonic shotgun on this ride, is the fact that the news is now full of live reporting from the second impeachment of the past president. So, for the next many days, we shall be watching more and more of old and new footage of the insurrection that nearly collapsed the government a month ago. And, like any prosecution worth their salt, the people are showing new and more disturbing footage of the events. Just when you thought you could breath easy, memories of a past most of us would like to forget are coming back and being put on repeat all day, every single day. While I believe that one should not forget the crimes of the past so as not to repeat them, it is all a bit much.
Personally, time has lost any reference to the past. I have slept more in the past year than I did the past ten. Literally. My life of caffeine and motion has been reduced to just doing what needs to be done for the day and nothing more. And I know that I am blessed because I can pull this off and not be thrown out of my house and still not go hungry. Yes, my perspective is blessed and I would be a horrible human being to say as such. Yet, it would be a lie to say that I am not broken by this situation. Even if my place is not one of either abject poverty or insane wealth, I believe it must be told. Why? Because I am sure that there are many other people like me who need their stories told within this plague.
I shall persist to go onward into this unknown. My best guess is, unless something amazing happens, I will be getting vaccinated somewhere in the Summer. But once one is vaccinated, you still have to stay inside for a few weeks to have the antibodies replicate. I look forward to writing about waiting within hope. But now, I am waiting within a theoretical hope based on things that have yet to even begin to develop.
Know you can persist within a plague, but know your memories and habits can be both bricks and wings upon your back.
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