We are now in a new year, and all the poisons are blooming.
I have not posted in some time for many reasons, one of them being the state of lethargy that consumed my during the holiday season. They days passed like all others have for the past ten months: inside and insular in every way. While the online video chats with people I miss were lovely, it was not the same. There is a distance that is growing between everyone.
To make matters even worse, though by no means unexpected, a new and more virulent mutation of the virus has been found and is spreading. The first spotting was in London and very soon after was found in the US, more specifically in New York and other places. So, as this state borders NYC, the strain is most likely here. The numbers for the virus in this town are no longer being given, but there are people posting it online. There were 89 cases in this town yesterday. This means that things are ramping up and the wave is beginning to gain strength, but nowhere near here. But there is another thing to be spoken about.
In past posts, I spoke about the underlying hum of a civil war coming. Well, it has arrived. On Wednesday, armed groups broke into the government buildings in Washington DC. It was surreal to watch this happen in real time while sitting on the couch. It was too much to process. As of this writing, five people have died, one a police officer who was beaten with a fire extinguisher. Without going into details that you can find everywhere else, there is more violence planned for the week of the inauguration, which is a week from now. Honestly, I was expecting more damage simply because it has been building for the past five years (actually more than that) and there were signs in the weeks before that were literally out in the open.
In general, it seems that people are just overwhelmed by all that is going on. Let's not forget that there is a deep economic crisis going on now that is being hidden by the pandemic and now the political upheaval. We were broken before this week and now we are just numbly riding this wave. people are not wearing masks or not wearing them properly. Restaurants and gyms are still open. The vaccine is not getting administered in nearly the amount hoped for and the political unrest yet to come is going to make this even harder.
So, it seems that we are headed into a full bloom of all the poisons out there. It is going to be a very dark winter. We did not take the virus nor the political unrest seriously when it could have been calmed before the deepest damage could be done. There is no way around it now, physics being what it is. The wave is coming and we cannot stop it.
Personally, I am just weary and numb. My life as I used to know it is gone. Even when this is over, it will be a long road out. I have no hope of a life better than it was before. At best, it will be a painful reunion with an open world of possibility. Before this multiple plague state, I was hoping for a new start in many ways. My life, while not perfect, was going in the right direction after making decisions for change. But that change was based on the income I had and the ability to be with other people. As it stands now, getting the vaccine and waiting enough time for it to take effect properly will happen in the Summer...hopefully.
Whether or not we will admit it, there has been a fire raging since last March. As the free will of the people has chosen to ignore its ferocity, the roof is coming down and the gas lines are about to ignite. This fire, like all fires, destroys all that it can ignite and leaves behind either what it cannot reach or what cannot be taken down. What will stand in the end is what cannot be broken and all shall have to be rebuilt.
And we must not forget what Dr. Rieux said at the end of "The Plague":
And, indeed, as he listened to the cries of joy rising from the town, Rieux remembered that such joy is always imperiled. He knew what those jubilant crowds did not know but could have learned from books: that the plague bacillus never dies or disappears for good; that it can lie dormant for years and years in furniture and linen- chests; that it bides its time in bedrooms, cellars, trunks, and bookshelves; and that perhaps the day would come when, for the bane and the enlightening of men, it would rouse up its rats again and send them forth to die in a happy city.
I was hoping to place that quote at the end of this blog, but it seems that is not the case. We are living through both meanings of the text: an actual pandemic that is killing thousands each day and political upheaval that seems to be revolting for fascism.
While I do not think that Camus ever could have imagined both being present at the same time, I am sure he would not have been surprised.
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