Okay, so it is evening here on Easter Sunday. I have called 2% of the people I used to on Easter because.....I can do it tomorrow or the day after that or the day after that or the day after that or the day after that. This is the time of the never ending bad dream of existence, not truly living. Hey, for the record, I am super grateful that I have food for some time and money to use to get by during all this, but it is not looking that great out here.
New York's death rate keep spiking while the other numbers look better. But I am in New Jersey and we lag behind NYC. The next three weeks look to be very unpleasant. They are expecting NYC to hit high watermark and the New Jersey to follow. After that, they will... being... to... examine... what... to.... do....with...the.........not being able to leave the house. So, from my angle, there is another solid month here, in limbo's mine field.
They are calling for severe storms to be rolling though this area tomorrow evening. They are also warning of electrical outages that will take a great deal longer than usual to fix. So now there is the worry that all the food in the refrigerator will go bad. This just never stops getting more painful.
If I am able to live past all this and be within a time where hugging someone is not bi-lateral Russian roulette, I just hope I am grateful. I am not going be a moron and say, "I want to be grateful every minute of every day!!" because that is not how it works. It does not work when you are mourning the death of someone and it does not work anywhere. The best you can get is to get that one hit of deep gratitude once a day where you take one deep breath and remember that the beauty you are WITHIN is NOT A GIVEN. We get on with our lives after the deaths and the breakups and the weddings and the deep infinite everything that we experience deeper every day.
I just hope I smile more. That is the least I could do.
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