Running Out of Ink: The Photocopying of Time

We are in a photocopy loop of repeating days, and we are running out of Ink.

To those who may remember those days, there was a time when bands used to put up ads for their shows via wheat pasting black and white copies of their flyers all over the place. You could tell what generation the image was by how blurry and faded it was. Well, this is exactly what it felt like to be within this pandemic, this horrible copy of the previous day where reality and sanity are fading. 

Okay, it is not horrible via the definitions of the past. It is not a dark post-nuclear war landscape outside. Neither is it a massive military presence due to a government coup. On the surface, all things seem like a Sunday in Spring: less traffic, some stores closed, and people walking outside during the day. But I believe that is the largest part of the problem. Things seem normal on the surface, but they are not.

Speaking personally, it is taxing. I was speaking with a close friend last night who is a fellow Musician. This whole pandemic has destroyed the paradigm of how we define ourselves. We have had our very life changed in every way. We have no places to play, no place to even meet up and discuss our lives and concerns. And please don't think of this as silly. The Cedar Tavern is famous for having many many many famous artists gather inside on a regular basis. While creative people are loners by nature to get their work done, we also crave to not be alone and mingle with friends. In brief, we are human beings.

The news is showing we are just shy of 147,000 deaths from the virus. This staggering number, which is simply going to rise, seems to be ignored by everyone. There is no panic here in New Jersey because, well, it is believed we have been though the fire and cannot be touched. People are tempting fate and that is not a good  thing.

This eternally repeating day is why I have been so bad at keeping this journal going. In the beginning, this was all new and one would wake in the morning confronting this new reality. But things have just kept repeating and there is a numbness that has has come over everything. You can always put off something till tomorrow because there will always be free time tomorrow.  And that does not seem the changing  any time soon. The news is blurring together and leaves one anxiety stricken on all fronts, until one just shuts down and do something to kill time until sleep.

We are in the digital age and one can make an infinite number of copies without any degrading of the image. And that would be horrible if it were to be mimicked by life. Those blurry band flyers showed that the image had a lifespan, a history. These days are more like that. A new day arrives and the previous day is repeated, but the ocean of time continues to carry us forward even if will never be able to touch the horizon. 

Camus talks about this feeling of being caught in a haze of repeating days. I THOUGHT I knew what that was before this, but now I believe I totally comprehend. 

So, I will do my best to write in this blog tomorrow...hopefully one that happens sooner rather than later.