Pandemic Legacy: A Year Without Memories

 Looking back over the past year, there isn't really much to see, at least not yet.

Yes, we are now past the one year anniversary with well over half a million dead from the plague, and yes, many states have lifted all restrictions due to the vaccine now being available. So, there is a  vague scent of hope wafting in the late Winter air. But it has been such a long time without past references that there is no dancing in the streets, no real joy. In fact, someone I know just got the virus and was knocked down for a week. Make no mistake, we are not in any way out of the woods.

Looking back on the past year, I honestly cannot recall anything specific. It has all blurred together into some amorphic blob of time. Maybe it is some form of trauma response that is causing it? Maybe it is just for those of us who led an almost monastic life for all this time? We will only know after all this is over, if then. 

It is insane to think that the end is literally a fraction of the time in seclusion, but it seems to be out of reach. I say that while even knowing people who have been fully vaccinated! We have drawn down into the singular, that is to say, unless it happens to me, I'll believe it. While this attitude is not good when facing a pandemic, it seems odd when one is about to leave it.

Because this is a massive country dealing with it and not a singular city as in "The Plague, there will not be a singular even that will announce that it is over. People will slowly be getting it and one by one the liberation will happen. I am almost certain that when the year ends, there will be some sort of mass celebration, most likely on New Year's Eve to finally have a communal ritualistic farewell to this season of pestilence. Face it, we like celebrations.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but I am planning on ending this when I am finally allowed to go out into the world, which would mean three weeks after my final vaccination. At that point, I'll cross over into the land of the liberated and be allowed into the new old world. 

But that may not be for some time and all that is left is waiting. I am sure that the number of infections will rise with many people no longer caring, but I am going to stay put and go for the long game victory. 

That being said, the idea of "a long time" is something I am no longer sure I understand anymore.

A Birthday During Pandemic

 Like everyone else, I am today having a birthday under the reign of the pandemic...and it sucks.

While I am not one to look forward to celebrate the anniversary of my birth, getting out of the house and going out distracts the mind and reminds one of a greater world. This one is without that. But, this is a decision to take a hit for the team, not an absolute need.

We have just shipped a new Johnson and Johnson one shot, 75% effective vaccine. Even though there are still over 1,000 deaths a day, states are opening up most (if not all) public gathering places with limited capacity. As I type this, the news is stating that there is a worry about another wave coming with Spring Break coming up and the restrictions loosening. I will venture to guess that there will be an uptick because the numbers do not mean as much anymore. A year ago, these numbers would strike fear into everyone. Now, it seems like nothing, a few unseen losses that are nothing compared to a return to restricted freedom. The numbers now mean nothing, trust me on that.

Personally, this time of year always makes me reflect on the past years, especially the one I am leaving behind. This year it became a psychological and emotion void. I can compare this past year to no other, so all reference points are gone. What did I do. Nothing of any great note. No major projects, no major changes. I stayed inside. I needed to remind myself that making the sacrifice of isolation when one is able to is the biggest thing one can do. Still, it is hard to make that seemingly paradoxical leap that doing nothing means doing something.

A year from now, if I am allowed to see my next birthday, this will most likely seem like a strange fever dream. Habits will return and now dry rivulets of experience shall either begin to run and/or new ones will arrive. In order to survive, humanity pushes the darker moments far away so as to focus on the present and make plans for the future. I doubt that any of us shall speak of it much, as the danger to our lives will be gone. Even now, the only real discussion about the virus is asking everyone if they got it yet, not about the infections and deaths that are still going on. The light at the end of the tunnel has become the focal point, not the distance to reach it.

So, my birthday shall come and go as all the other days have: wake, do a shadow of what my work once was, finish the day by watching news and late night shows on the computer. Then, forcing oneself to got to sleep and repeat the same process. I am also taking note that I should be grateful, very grateful, that I am still alive and never got the virus. But that prayer of thanks that should be a trumpet call of joy is now a mumble, as it has been said day after day for the past year. How strange that one can grow weary of a sincere prayer of gratitude for not dying...

When the great unfolding begins, it will most likely be slow and in stages. It is unlikely that there will be a major celebration on a specific day, though my guess is that there will be an epic New Year's Eve celebration when heard immunity is in full stand and all families can gather again. We will exit 2021 with the belief that this is all behind us, never to return. 

On this birthday, I wish to just be able to keep going to see the end of this, to live to tell the tale and thrive after it is gone. The world is going to change, as we will be living with the changes this past year put into place from here on out. Maybe there will be, as has happened during previous plagues, a season of great rebirth? Maybe? 

My birthday wish is to never forget this time and to be grateful every single day I am done with this exile within my own life.