The Garden of Babel

 We are in a world that is flooded with more words being said, spoken, typed, read, and listened to than in all of human history, and because of this we are drowning.

 As I type this, 183,374 deaths from the virus have been reported. People keep saying the numbers but very few really want to embrace it. In this country, where desire is the true ethos, the cases are growing. Nineteen states have increased numbers, but this all seems like sports scores rather than what it is. In "The Plague", Camus speaks of how everyone finally grows numb and stops caring. However, the grind was different because the town was closed and everyone was on the same page. Here, within this land, we are on millions of different pages with desire being the editor.

Colleges are opening and trying to start classes with students in the flesh. If this is ever read by anyone some time from now once this is all over,  I am sure you are wondering why, given the number of deaths stated and the infection rate on the rise, why would a mass collection of people do something so foolish. I have but one word to tell you: Pride. To be more exact: Hubris.

In the Old Testament, it was pride that caused both the fall of Man and the Tower of Babel.  In the garden of Eden, it was said that Adam and Eve had everything, literally a Paradise. They had everything except ONE thing, and that one thing became greater than all else. The situation is the same here and now. I will not be so foolish as to say we live in Paradise, but we to possess a technology that even two  hundred years ago would may have been perceived as Magic, something beyond the realm of human ability. But, we are very much within this Magic and unsatisfied.

We are in the middle of what could very well be the defining moment of the United States and the virus is having an impact. How could it not? The problem is that we have become a country divided by words and desires instead of being pulled together for the common good. The virus, that will most likely kill almost 250,000 by the day of the election, has become nothing more than an inconvenience we should no longer bother with. 

If you doubt my statements about hubris in the face of plague, allow me to state the following: gyms and restaurants for indoor dining will be opening here in jersey with a week. Yes. You read that right. Any person with even the slightest knowledge of virology knows this is a bad idea. But we a re doing it regardless. Why? Because the majority of our personal desires outstrip our belief in sacrifice for the common good.  Everyone in charge knows full well that things will get worse and it will all shut down again, with the wake of the carnage being the cost of this spoiled child decision.

There is a clause that states what these places can only work at 25% capacity. Please note that restaurants and gyms are rarely at 75% capacity at full swing. The legal capacity and the amount of seating is different. If you doubt my words, please go to any bar or club at FULL capacity. 

But let's say that they actually do keep it at a 25% that is to the scale of the seating. How could this economically be feasible?! While gyms are simply large spaces that make money whether you go or not via their monthly fee, restaurants are not. The food service industry is known for having razor thin margins and having a tough time during the best of times. It just does not make sense in the same way that trying to have children in school wear masks and keep the needed precautions. And, for the record, even if all the precautions are being done, it will still spread to some extent. This is biology, not desire or ideology.

We have more than any people in the history of the world, a garden of technology and words, and our fall shall happen as do all the falls before: from pride.

Revisiting the Sun God, Pascal, et al.....

 To paraphrase the late and astoundingly amazing  scientist and philosopher Steven Toulmin in the epic series "A Glorious Accident", "The British were horrible at anthropology because they were always going, ' Well, why aren't these backwards people more like US." 

We are now at over 181,000 deaths for the virus with the colder months very much on the horizon. Here in New Jersey, gyms are opening to allow a 25% capacity, which means business as usual, as the floor space is normally massive and they are never remotely within the legal limit in normal times. Sure, it may LOOK crowded, but remember that there is space between those exercise machines, those weights, those benches, etc. The limit  for a space is factored in to have those within be able to escape within a fire or other event. Having been a musician most of my life, you would be amazed at the math of it all. So, let's just say that it is business as usual for gyms. 

Schools are also opening up here in New Jersey and all over the country. It would take a complete fool to not realize that they are literally gambling to save face and show support to ensure state approved money. There is a reason that school is called "SCHOOL" and not "AN OPERATING THEATER". Students are varying degrees of "young" and do not comprehend consequences over the long game. You did it. I did it. We ALL did it. But that is the blessing of youth, you are insane. That is  the place where the fire is and how amazing things happen. But also tragedy, as you can't have one without the other. Don't blame me, blame physics.

Students in grade school are not going to keep their masks on. Masks on? Really? have you ever taught a first grade class? A middle school class? I have and I can assure you that even basic hygiene is a stretch. As for college students? If the assumption is that the entirety of college students will wear masks and stay far from each other at all times for an entire semester, then.......................... you have never been to or known a college student nor been in a dorm or college apartment. Basic hygiene is about as common as an albino three legged unicorn. Please, stop deluding yourself. College is and has always has been, for lack of a better term, gross.

In case you were wondering, here is the game being played across the board: Colleges (and every other institution)  have tuition that is beyond reprehensible and are having their students back to gamble for as long as they can that it could not be done, then have all classes online. When the virus spreads and people get it, the people in charge an stand up and say, " LOOK! WE HAVE DONE OUR BEST! WE TRIED TO HAVE CLASSES BUT THIS VIRUS HAS MADE US IMPOTENT TO DELIVER WHAT BOTH YOU AND I DEEPLY DESIRE!"...and the classes will resume online, giving the same education as an online university at a deep fraction of the price. No one has the courage to cancel outright because the money at stake is too great. My guess is that by no later than the end of September/early October, all colleges will be online. One infection that leads to a death will cause a lawsuit so great that everyone will cower in fear. Oh, please. because of the death of someone? Oh no, nonononononono...no! Because of the cash they have to pay out and the damage to the reputation. 

A few hours ago, we just had the end of the right wing political convention for the upcoming election. The audience was not far apart and no one wore masks. That is all you need to know. THIS is how the United States is divided against the basic biology of a virus. Period.

Blaise Pascal was a French math genius and was  in love with gambling. Those two forces united and he learned how to play the odds, perhaps culminating in the now famous "Pascal's W@ager" about faith in God. Life for Pascal was, while deeply rich and intense, was one of a deep love for math and its sister Physics. You do the math and you play the odds and you gamble on the winner.

At present, we only know a fraction of what the present virus is all about. For all of our seemingly astounding ability, we are at the mercy of both common decency and within a faith upon what we perceive as best. That  being said, all those aztec tribes who had been able to do math never before comprehended and built structures we still cannot comprehend, worshiped a sun god that they believed would help them, human sacrifice and all. In the end, well, we know what happened to that society, no?

There is a group of people playing the same game right now with this virus. Unlike Pascal, they reject the math. Like the stunningly brilliant Aztecs, they are gambling on the Sun God rather than the math. 

Look, we KNOW what the deal is with a virus and people and gathering together and the spread and what it can do. We KNOW that, even if is a decent guess. But people seem to be putting faith in the sun god and not the math. And know that the US is one of the very few to be doing this and showing the epic death count to show for it. The numbers of virus patients is math. The ones who are dead is math. The predictions for the days and months ahead are math. 

But we are not numbers. We are flesh and blood with loved ones and hopes and dreams and souls and credit card debt and friends and regrets and joys. Numbers are abstractions. People are NOT, with all due apologies to Rieux from "The Plague". But humanity has become an abstraction with all this. I dare say that the number of deaths from this plague mean nothing anymore. They are numbers, the same symbols used by the Aztecs and Pascal and Touring and Hawking and you at your checking/credit card bill. Those are numbers, representations of a summation of presence, NOT the actual presence.At times like this, we should understand that we are truly no better than the past civilizations as we are literally doing no better at basic logic and compassion. 

Both the past and the future have numbers and, within history, the numbers we are presenting shall not have us be deemed enlightened in any way... Think about it.

The Humming from the Skies (There is no safe place)

 I think I need to explain the odd and unseen humming that seems to be getting louder every day.

In "The Plague", Fr. Panaleux talks about an ancient plague where a saint could see an angel above the houses being told where to strike the ones with plague. For the rest of the novel, Dr. Rieux , an atheist, keeps commenting that he feels he hears a strange buzzing coming from above. He can't place it or name it, but he believes that it is somehow connected to what Panaleux said.I do not want to talk about politics, but I have to add the following to describe what this time is like and it would be a sin of omission if I did not say something about the present time's political and cultural tone. Don't worry, it ties into the pandemic.

Here in the United States, we are hitting over 170,000 deaths from the pandemic with no real signs of stopping any time soon. That would be enough to cause a sense of panic in any other time. But now, there is another crushing fear running through the collective nervous system. So, yes, unlike the town of Oran in the novel "The Plague", we are getting pummeled while we are down.

On either side of the political spectrum, the past four years have been a blooming of the past twenty-five or so years, give or take the Civil War. Both sides are in a panic over the upcoming election and if the present president will choose to declare the results fraudulent if he looses. A minority of this country worships him, many of them literally so. The tension in the air over this is beyond palpable. All of us are having to deal with this one way or the other, whether we like it or not. 

There is also an economic crushing going on. The present political storm is causing it to go almost unnoticed. The GDP was down for the last quarter over 34%. If this continues for the next few quarters, it is going to show we have a new economic depression on our hands. The unemployment rate is out of control. It is not pleasant out there for many of us.

On a personal level, Musicians and all creative people in the analogue arts have been bashed in the kneecaps and are floundering to get back to their vocation. It was not easy before this, but not it is a famine for us.

There does seem to be this horrible unseen humming going on. No one is really at peace. I shall suppose that some people are doing well, most likely the very wealthy who, like in Camus' book, always seem to be buffeted from the pain of such things. But the majority are swimming each day within an emotional and spiritual mud that we have no choice but to struggle through. It is no surprise that the rate of suicide is up at this time. All of us in this country are having to deal with a crisis both of health and our very government. 

In Camus' book, there are festivities at the end of the plague, the moment when the past seems to be deleted from the soul and the future that holds the most sacred of hope is all that matters. I cannot believe that there will be such a day with us at the end. It will be a slow recovery and we will still be suffering the damage of the political issues long after the pandemic passes. Yes, there will be moments where we all embrace the future, but I do not believe it will be a singular day with a singular event. We will get out of this at some point, but we will be entering a house that was on fire and we will have to rebuild just to get some rest. We are not soldiers who, at war's end, have the gift of returning to a place where the past horrors did not exist. This is a guerrilla war and there is no safe place to come home to. To those who have been blessed to have survived this ordeal, we will not feel safe as long as we have memories.

In the end, we may all have to burn our hopes and memories with the belief that, like pinecones, the fire will release the seed to have something new begin to grow.

Late Nights With a Redundant Dawn

 I am about to go to sleep but it seems that I will awake into where I did the last time.

We are approaching 170,000 DEATHS to the virus and the Music from the outside is dissonance. I went to to see a student perform outside at a pizza place a few days ago wearing a mask. To be more precise, I went to the show and, in accordance with the working Musician Creed, supported the establishment by buying product that funds the operation. When I went inside the pizzeria, very few people were wearing masks while I wore a high level mask. I refused to take it off to fit in, all those decades of being the outcast coming in handy. For the record, no one was a jerk, but there was this sense that the virus was over with and it all all a lie by this point. The people outside were not spaced far apart and no one wore a mask. I kept my distance and did my best to support the immense talent of the young student. While I do not wish to cast emotion and narrative on those unspoken, I would like to say that I was looked at like a fly in the soup. 

Allow me to say the following: I have and shall continue to bend my life into a tesseract to support my students. If this had been within normal times, I would have been there early, helped set up, and helped the student in every way with the gig. My track record of thirty years supports this. The fact that I had to be at a literal distance when this young student was performing was crushing, but I did it...wait for it... BECAUSE IT WAS FOR THE COMMON GOOD!  It SUCKED! I wanted to jam with the kid and help lift him up and show his excellence. But I did not because of the virus. And it hurt like absolute hell.

What this made me realize was that, here in this part of New Jersey, people just do not give a f*ck. It doesn't matter anymore. No one has died and the corpses are not lining the streets so SCREW IT! WE WANT TO BE TOTALLY FREE LIKE BEFORE!!!! Yeah, that is what we are around here and if you cut again the grain you are a leftist moron.

Oh, yes, the virus had, via the present attitude, polarized the concept of wearing a mask. I know I mentioned this before but I was allowed to be thrown into the pit of others who think my attitude is insane.  For the record, I sincerely hope that nobody gets the virus. Period. That being said, Camus said in "The Plague" that Fortune is not something that should be tempted. In the novel, he states that the very weary volunteers of the front line would not take all the precautions they KNEW they should. It is a subtext that maybe Jean Tarrou, the beloved friend of the narrator, skipped these precautions and wound up dying of plague. Even the most remedial boxer knows that you never EVER let your guard down when you see your opponent weaken.

As I have promised, I will not get into broad politics within this blog as Camus did not do so in his book. Camus was concerned with what the common people did. So, allow this entry to be, at best, something Dr. Rieux would have written down via being among the people. The narrative descriptions of the novel made me want to become one. That being said, I do not feel the need to go into deep details here about my visit to the pizza eating contrarians of biology and the better good. There will be countless articles describing the landscape of this era. Trust me on that. The internet shall give COUNTLESS descriptions of this time.

For the first time since this plague has entered the collective narrative, there was a sermon in church at Sunday Mass that touched on the damn thing. While watching it online, I screamed in my seat. FINALLY! Finally, the clergy has chosen to address the issue is a VERY VERY light way. For the love of God! Even in Camus' "The Plague" they had a Catholic Mass dedicated to the plague early on! Yeah yeah yeah, I know. Religion has been discounted and diluted over the decades since that book was written and the importance of the institution has been depleted for many reasons. Yeah, I get it and do not condemn it.

But that is the point, isn't it? We, as a society, have no center. None. No leader has the balls to make the call to do what is needed. No religious leader. No political leader. Few parental and group leaders. We are left with desire for autonomy and "freedom" to dictate the direction of death via amoral biology. Molotov cocktails have a more complicated set of directions. 

After I type the last sentence of this entry, I will be off to bed. But I am having a difficult time figuring out what is needed upon awakening each day. My life, like so many others, has been eviscerated from what was once the routine we placed our reality upon every day, no matter how variable. As a Musician, this life was never ever ever ever EVER a solid place to stand. But we all chose that via the hope that we would survive because what we did was beyond the realm of the stock broker, the billionaire bond trader, those who chose the typical path. We were spiritual preachers unto who God would forever shine upon as we deliver something no other could translate. Well, all of us are having deep meditations with the Old Testament people named Job and Noah as to how we are to survive this literal flood and draught.

Tomorrow will be another day, and I am so very grateful for that. Another day means another day of hope and creative possibility. Alas, that does not mean income. To those of you who have secure day jobs at this time, I would ask that you place yourselves within that deep fear you have about losing your job via the caprice of those above you, and you ALWAYS have someone above you. That low grade hum of dark fear that you have way deep down about all your security vanishing within an instant, well, those of us who live a creative life have that as our constant bass line. Every moment of every day. How will I pay the Visa bill? How will I pay the water bill? How will I pay the health insurance? That is the 60 cycles per second hum we have at every moment of every day. Google that sound and see how wonderful it is. We are now all in the same boat, even of you don't want to admit it via your ear buds on full volume with your favorite podcast and playlist. 

That 60 cycle hum is waiting for all of us when we awake, whether we like it or not.

Going Below the Waterline of Sanity

 Sorry for the delay, but a few horseman of the apocalypse decided to make a food run along the East coast.

I haven't posted in bit because we had a tropical storm run up the coast and it did disproportionate damage. I remember the epic Hurricane Sandy and that trashed the state and we lost power for what seemed like an eternity. This storm was not all that bad, but apparently the winds came in and just tore up the place and caused the horribly neglected power grid to take a severe fall. The outage here was because of an overgrown brand flapping in the wind and whacking two power lines together. This sort of thing is not uncommon here, as squirrels tend to make tragic mistakes and cause a transformer to blow. But that fix is no more than an hour or two and all is right with world. No food is lost, no work missed. Basically the same thing happened this time,....but the state was flooding with problems and it took over two days to get power back and another day to get internet. 

That meant I had two days of no real virus news. It would have been much better if I had power and could work, but you find the good in the miserable. As it stands, things have kept rising and there seems to be no end in sight. My home team of New Jersey is doing its best to throw itself under the bus via the feelings of  frustration of confinement that has fed into an illusion that we are all fine. You have no doubt seen the news reports of the SECOND massive, multi-hundred house party thrown here. We are all starving to get out of this. All of us. But that is the same reason you do not allow a starving man into a fully stocked kitchen. This goes very bad really fast and this state, amongst many others, is showing that. We all want out old way of life but do not have courage to embrace that harsh reality.

Let me be clear about this. In Camus' "The Plague", the authorities placed the entire town in lock-down and everyone was in the same condition. The leaders dealt with it as best they could, M. Othon is the only steady character of the government is an example of this. He states that the rules are good and must be applied to all. This statement comes down falling at its molecular center via the falling ill and horrible death of his son from the plague in front of most of the main characters. This is a point in the novel where Camus does a major tone shift for the novel. 

In this world and in real time, the people do not have a central leader who is making an example of what should be done for the good of the country. Let this post show that we are literally a country without a central leader in the fight against this. I am saying this as a statement regardless of what side you are on politically. There literally has been no ABSOLUTE statement as to how to treat this plague from the central leader, nor from the part that he states he represents. Check the news. Check the facts. All of us are literally upon the desires of our own selves and what the governors of our individual states are telling us. That, and the allowance of our own desires to be either taken into account or ignored by the police. That is the way it is and may no one ever be allowed to say otherwise.

The country is literally adrift and its survival is now being placed upon its own collective conscience. It is not all bad, as there are many who are good and kind people who care and are choosing to do the right thing in the face of deep suffering to themselves. let us not at any point in time ever EVER deny the presence of those good people. The Titanic may have sunk, but there were good people who helped those into the life boats. Tragedy does not negate the ones that did good but merely spills ink across their numbers in the column of those who did the right thing within the overwhelming presence of those who chose to not act upon their better angels.

After having literally starved from lack of electricity, communication, and work for several days, I believe I have gone below the waterline and arisen into a place of gratitude. My life as a Musician and teacher has been ruined via all previous metrics and history. Gone. No students. No gigs. No in-person recording. Gone. While I see others doing such things now, I have chosen to not place myself within those realms for the betterment of others. The suicidal creative person looses its slimmest narrative validity when others can go down with you. The entire purpose of being a creative person is to speak the Truth and make this world a better place by it. Period. Some jackass wanting applause or self-fulfillment by putting others in danger negates and and all romantic notions of the creative act. This new place of existence within plague is a fire that burns away the truly selfless creators who are in touch with their deepest and best selves and those whose have sold out and have blackened their souls, even without knowing or best intentions, to serve themselves, not the Truth of what they were given.

In the past few days, I went below the waterline and had my mouth filled with the brine of everything past out of reach...and I never was to forget the taste of it.