Driving on a Rainy Night Upon Dangerous Roads...

In the end, it shall forever rest upon the free will each of us has....

Okay, I have been silent for almost a week and my apologies to all of you who have been coming here. But, I have been blindsided by how all the sacrifices we on the East Coast have made over the past FOUR MONTHS have been burned to the ground by the other places in this country. Like, what the f*ck? Did everyone else in the country think that those scenes of corpses in convince store refrigeration trucks, not to mention the mass graves in NYC, a joke?????

But if I take step back, how many thousands of times have I looked at news footage of foreign countries where there has been a massive tragedy and just dusted it aside? Yeah, okay, fine, yes, you have a point that this is a VIRUS and IN THE SAME COUNTRY where I live. But, it seems that unless you are having to deal with it yourself in some real way, you can just float along the Sea of Denial and not care.

People here in New Jersey have decided to drop an anvil on their collective feet and go to bars down the shore without wearing masks and crushed together like sardines on a Tokyo subway at rush hour. I am so weary that I cannot even do a face-palm move. All I know is that it now looks likely that the numbers will increase again and we will be screwed. Mark my word, in two weeks this will all get nasty.

NYC seems to be ready to do the same and I am not amused. Again, everyone wants to get out and be in the presence of another human in the flesh. But this is not under the same burnout that it was like in "The Plague". In the book, people came to a point where they just didn't care and went out for human contact. It was one city and they could feel the rest of the outside world being free. In the end, for the people of Oran, you just rolled the dice because it was unfair how they got screwed and the rest of the world didn't. Despair is rarely a good bedfellow.

But that's not the case here, for the most part. The WORLD got this thing, so the idea of "other" was non-existent. But people's reality tends to go as far as where they drive. So, while we were having WAWA Store refrigeration trucks used for emergency morgues and mass graves in NYC, they thought it would never happen to them. Biology is amoral and just does what it wishes. Now, the rest of the country is having to deal with what we on the East Coast have had to do, and we may wind up in the thick of it again by August.

Fear brings out the worst in people and the fact that wearing a mask has become a political statement is beyond me. Yes, masks suck and I do not like wearing them. But it seems like such a small inconvenience when compared to either death or permanent lung damage after a hellish illness. In the end, it comes down to the people to desire to do all for the common good.

Another odd parallel is that, also in the book, the bureaucratic mechanisms in the book were not enough to truly help out with the crisis. It took volunteers to come forward to help out, with these people knowing that they would most likely die in the process. This was done via the work of the character Tarrou and almost all the main characters step up and do something. Here, there is this disconnect between the federal government and the state government which is causing havoc with everything. To confound things even more, mayors are disagreeing with governors. There is no clear message to the country. It is not that everyone is left guessing, but that everyone seems distrustful of each other as taking precautions has become a political statement. Thankfully, that was not in the book, as no. one would ever have believed it.

Back in very late 1997, a guitarist who changed my life was killed in an automobile accident. The official account was that he skidded off the road during a rainy night while driving treacherous roads in Northern California. They found him days later via a road repair crew that was doing work. His loss was, to many in the Music world, an absolute     shock and injustice. Personally, I had just seen him a short time before at what would be his last performance ever. He was 43 years old and about to turn 44. His performance showed that he was doing something no one could have believed: reaching new heights of passion, performance, and invention. It was so inspiring to see him play, especially that time.

To this day, I keep wondering why he was driving those hills at that late hour? If he had just gone slower, maybe this would not have happened? If he had just pulled over and slept in his car or a motel or hotel earlier in the evening or taken a less hazardous path? Sure, that would have delayed him, but it turns out that amount of time was nothing compared to the absolute loss. I am not blaming him for the accident, nor for his death. My wonder is about, what if he had just taken a safer road that took longer? But these are nothing more than the dreams of someone who is alive about someone they knew who died. What if we could just have the chance to not have the one piece the narrative be there and a better one in its place? I miss him as a musical inspiration. I miss many other friends every day who have passed on. I think about the one or two things that I would change to have them still around: go to the doctor a month earlier, quit smoking, get them help sooner, etc. At one point or another, we all want to go back in time and change something in the past so that we would have a better present and future.

I believe that we are in that collective place now and we are wasting it....

Father's Day in Oran.....

So, we are here on Father's Day of the pandemic and.........

We are at 122,550 deaths from the virus in the USA as I type this. That means, by simple abstraction, many fathers were lost to this thing. Hate to be someone who talks about the dark-side of things, but, seriously, how the hell can you avoid it?????

Here in central New Jersey (YES! IT IS A PLACE!) things are trying to place their reticent toes in the water of the ocean of normalcy. Somehow, politics has won over basic biology, and wearing masks is now a political statement. Like....what?? Politics is cultural. Biology and physics are amoral. People, that is Reality 101! 

It is Summer, so I am re-re-rereading "The Plague". I can't help it. I have to read it every year around this time. The whole place I am within now is not within the book. A Bubonic Plague just ravages where it is at. This virus has killed, what was the number I stated before, OVER 122.5 K and rising here is the USA? RISING! Seriously, people, can we just get into the concept of basic human reality and wear masks????

I refuse to talk politics in this narrative as it is not in keeping with Albert Camus' narrative of the book, The Plague. I will say, as  a matter of fact, that about 6,200 people gathered fora political rally in Tulsa with the deep majority not wearing facemarks in an enclosed area with central air circulation. 

In Camus' book, there is a MASSIVE gathering at the Catholic Church in town to hear Fr. Panaleux give a sermon to give tonic for the troops, to help people get through this newly appointed ruler of the town. Camus is stunning at how he places the words of a Jesuit Priest into his character. Seriously. Camus hated religion but loved the writings of St. Aquinas. (They both really liked the intimate company of women and loved to party.) It is an amazing sermon the character brings, even though it is littered with everything Camus hates about organized religion.

In that sermon, the massive church is full, beyond capacity. All there have at least some place within them to turn to God, the infinite unknown, within their turmoil. If you read the whole scene, is is a masterwork of writing on every level.

Well, here is New Jersey, we are taking the median route. I have yet to hear any people profess to have new faith id God, but there is a desire to go drinking and shop. In terms of Moses and the people he led into freedom, this does not bode well.

In the end, I believe, habit is greater than the fear of death. We want more of what once what was, so much so that it blinds us of death. We gain meaning from going about what are used to and will follow that past the edge of the obvious cliff. 

But all of us who have ever been born have been so for the physical presence of a father, in one form or another. Many of us find surrogate parents in others that we are blessed with and are forever changed by the better via their presence, even if it was subtle. 

Oh, yeah. None of the main male characters in "The Plague" have children. This makes sense since Camus was not married with children at the time. To be frank, it is a major sausage fest of seemingly celibate heterosexual guys enclosed in a port-town. So, don't look for fatherhood there,... with the "minor" character, M. Othon. It is his son's death from the plague that changes the course of the narrative for just about all the main characters, especially Dr. Rieux and Fr. Paneloux. So, like it or not, fatherhood plays a part in the book as the father is never the same after the death of his son, with characters having to bold-face lie in stating the child did not suffer much. 

So, Happy Father's Day from Oran. Sorry all the restaurants are closed....

Bored of Thy Enemy...

I will be going out shortly for a bit and it has been some time...

Summer is almost here and, thankfully, nature carries on regardless. I can hear a bird singing and a motorcycle without mufflers barrel down the street. The day outside is perfect, but there is no real freedom within presence, and that is the grind.

The virus is still out there and the numbers in the states whose belief that they could open soon have been proving very wrong. Biology knows not of our hopes and desires. We here in the NYC area are getting better but people have started going out to bars without distancing. The west coast seems to be steeping up the number of their cases. There is even talk of a vaccine out by the end of the year.

In "The Plague", the main characters, all of them, are within the heat of the battle by the end of the book. Okay, fine, the character Cottard is not within the center of any helping with the plague, but he is within the bootlegging business and was very very busy making lots of money. But there was one character whose listlessness in the book has been haunting me.

Raymond Rambert was a journalist who got caught there as he was from a Paris newspaper doing a report on the health conditions of the Arab quarters. After the city is closed to plague, he spends most of his time trying to get out via official means, and later by illegal means. All his thoughts are, in the beginning, placed upon memories of his wife that fuel him to get out. But after a time, he forgets about her and is simply consumed by the fight, forgetting all about the reward.

But, when there is nothing to do between battles and hope, he wanders the abandoned train station and looks at the time tables as he sits on the empty seats. He stares at the posters about vacation places that he cannot go to. He sees the time tables that now mean nothing. He leaves and continues to wander the streets.

Maybe that is where we are all at now, or at least some of us. That fire that burned in us for a hope for a better time, a quick cure, and our old life maybe kinda sorta still lingering in the ether is now gone. We have wandered the streets of Netflix and the internet and are still lost. Even if we very partially open up the community, it will still be, at best, muted via the threat of infection. We will all be on an invisible leash.

In the book, the plague just keeps on getting worse and worse without abating. The bubonic plague (as in the book) has a 50 to 70% mortality rate if not treated and around 15% is treated. Those are astounding numbers.  As of today we are at a little above 117,000 deaths with the believe that we will go over 200,000 by the end of August. But like in the book, we have become numb to the numbers. Also helping is the media not really focusing on the virus and dealing with other issues. This whole thing is, for many, behind us.

But it isn't and that is the problem. What will make people realize that this is here for at least another year in one way or the other? Hey, I want this thing gone as much, if not more, than the next person. This life is crushing. But there is this lack of desire to "know thy enemy". There is still no cure or vaccine. The battle is still on but no one is paying attention. We are treating this like an invasion happening in a far-off third world country, something we can just brush aside when either know it will no longer concern us or we simply get tired of it.  And we are all very much tired of it, but that is when you have to double down and dig in harder, so you don't get punched in the face with your guard down.

We are in the middle of history, letting our guard down and, in the end, that will speak for itself.

The Cost of Desire....

Human nature always wants more of what it desires, for both good and bad...

The numbers of the amount of new infections is coming out in States where they let the opening of public places be allowed earlier than was best and, surprise, the number of infections is spiking. Look, I get it, people want to get the hell out of their houses and have their lives back. Combine that with the fact that the number of cases has gone down and everyone wants to taste the old days, especially now since it is Summer. Florida and Los Angeles have seen spikes in own cases, not to mention Texas, Oregon, and Arizona. This makes all the more sense as, well, who the hell thinks about anything "flu-like" when it is NOT winter? Habit and desire are a cocktail that can have massive consequences.

In Camus' "The Plague", this whole thing gets going in April and hits plague level around May. Perhaps this is why everyone in the book thought it was insane to have happen to them. How can you have a plague when it is Summer and all you want to do is ENJOY yourself? Nature is screaming, "HEY! Time to party on the beach!" Yeah, well, biology does not care about fun in the sun. It arrives when it does and you have to deal with it.

We will be at the three month point soon, one full season. It all seems to hinge on the question, "What is enough?" Most religions and philosophies state that desire is infinite. What we need and what we want are, most of the time, radically different. It has even been said by Brian Eno that culture is what happens after all the needs of a group of people are met. Once you have shelter, water, food, and protection in place, stuff starts to happen that causes what we call "culture". Think about it.

Look, I went for a drive yesterday and I LONGED to get out of my car and, I dunno,...DO ANYTHING!? But my desire to live and not get sick has a greater grasp on me than my desire to enjoy my life to what I believe to be the fullest. To be certain, this whole plague has made us have to reign in our desires for the greater good. But, alas, the value of the greater good seems to decrease over time as the threat seems to grows weaker.

That being said, the hundreds of thousands of people who have peacefully protested have placed that equation on its side. The greater good is for a social change and people have chosen take the risk of gathering en masse regardless of the personal risk for something greater than themselves. In "The Plague", the only real mention of riots by the narrator is when times were getting tough in the city for food and there were signs for "Bread or Fresh Air!!" Alas, we have no neighboring geography to go to for safety and what is being fought for is greater than food.

We all desire our old lives back, to not have to live every day within the greater stakes lottery of our random mortality. But this seclusion has perhaps caused us to think about what is wanted and what is needed. And we live in a land of physical and digital saturation where we (for many of us) had not really a need for much, but were able to satisfy our desires a pinpoint. But that is the problem, as desires are rarely static. Once one is sated, more appear immediately. It's human nature tattooed onto human history.

Maybe that's what we can pull from this: the cost of desire and the freedom of what is needed...

And the World Burns....

Okay, the past few days have been insane for everyone located everywhere, and I don't see it stopping....

We still have a a few deaths per day here in our town. Or is it cases? My mind is a blur. I don't talk about politics on this page in keeping with Camus' narrator in "The Plague". Politics are only mentioned when it effects the characters and how the plague is treated. Camus himself was VERY political, even though his stance for peace in Algeria put him on the wrong side of history. He wanted peace for everyone, it just the side he took in the argument was, errrrr, well, go look it up.

The murder of a man by police in my beloved city of Minneapolis has caused the world to light up. There are protests all across the country and even around the globe. It is inspiring to see how much people care and feel that a change is needed. A dear friend of mine who was involved in the Vietnam war protests in the 1960's told me that this reminded him of that time. Hopefully things will change, but such change is never easy nor swift to get to the roots of the issue.

As of now, there is a general belief that things are going to be getting back to "normal"-ish soon. The protests have made people go outside and be in contact with others, so who knows what will happen to the number of infections a week or two from now? There was some outdoor pool party somewhere last weekend and one person there tested positive. But now, it seems nobody else there got the virus.

As I predicted, the states that relaxed their stay-at-home policies early are spiking. Utah is not doing great. Los Angeles is still a mess. Here in NYC, there have been no deaths today. None. There were only 534 new cases reported today. Rather astounding as this could have been an insane charnel house if things did not go in the direction it did. I am going to assume that this means New Jersey will be hitting the single digits in a week or two. As I type this, my brain cannot really process something like that being a reality.

Summer is just around the corner and it will be odd to be allowed outside in the purifying heat of the sun for the first time in months. Personally, I have hit the point where I just have resigned myself that I will be in my house 99% of the time for a long time to come. I keep busy, don't get me wrong, but I do not believe that I will be within my former rhythm of life for some time.

Judging by what I have been reading on certain social media, this isolation has caused the fire of not being distracted to have some effect. People have had to think once they have not been able to find a sufficient way to avoid that voice inside themselves. We were forced into introspection and that never really sits well. Before, we all longed for free time to get away on vacation, on retreat, to monasteries and meditation isolation. We all were placed into our own isolation and forced to deal with ourselves and our own demons on our home turf armed with no excuses.

Fires had been started on the inside and now, it has poured out into the world...for now.